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A Blank Check

What would you do if you found a blank check?


Treat these pieces of paper just like money. This understanding was drilled into me when I opened my first checking account. A blank check in mischievous hands could be the down fall of my paper route fortune! I learned about canceling checks that were lost or misplaced, or writing "void" on a check that I miswrote.


Forged checks are a thing. I mean, that's how Frank Abagnale (Catch Me If You Can) stole over $2.8 million!


The allure of a blank check touches anyone able to admit their desire for more than enough money to live anyway they desire. The allure connects to a part of our human psyche that is actually really afraid that we might not have enough, we might run out, or we might not be worthy of more.


A blank check represents possibility and limitlessness, in a world where all you might see and hear are dead ends, "no" and lack.


Even if you are just writing an essay for 8th grade English, the question of what you would do if you found a blank check, is tantalizing and juicy.

 

So? What would you do?


Would you write it out to Cash for $500.00?


Would you write it out to yourself for $5,000.00? More?


Would you pay off outstanding student loans? Your parent's mortgage? Go shopping? Go to Vagas?


Would you consider cashing it and sending the money to a charity?


What would it mean to you, to even just hold a blank check in your hand?


What are the possibilities you sense in your finger tips?

 

Facing the Flip Side


I have often been present to concern that I might run out of money or just not have enough. I have flirted with the fear that I am not worthy of having more than enough of what I need to live a life that is comfortable. Over the course of my life, these fears have been "proven" by way of dwindling amounts in my bank account, people telling me no to a job or raise, my ex cutting me off from credit cards.


I can even remember back to 7th grade, when my family was eligible for free/reduced price lunches. My mom sent me to school with the signed form, to turn in to the office. I swear it was bright purple. It felt just like a blaring, neon sign, screaming, "This girl is poor! She has nothing! The state is going to pay for her lunch because she has no money!"


My heart is pounding and my skin feels all buzzy remembering this. That memory is alive in my body, even though decades have passed. Within the memory, the belief is also alive. The belief that I AM POOR; that I HAVE NOTHING. A part of me believes that the truth is that I AM LACKING resources to take care of myself and NEED someone else to step in have mercy on me.


Not ALL of me believes this, but part of me does.

 

Coming Home Within


What I know is that when this belief is activated (that I am poor, have nothing and am lacking), I feel really badly for myself. I feel insecure, self-conscious, weak, less-than. It is a pretty sucky place to be. When I am living from this belief, I suffer and I am live as a shadow of what is possible for my life.


When this belief is activated, it means the part of me that believes this is true is driving the bus. She should not be driving the bus. For one thing, she is only in 7th grade. It is not appropriate for her to be driving the bus.


What is appropriate, is for the part of me that is 41, and knows the truth about who I am, to sit down with her (in my mind's eye) and really see and hear her fear. I don't even have to convince her that it isn't true or make her believe otherwise. All I need to do is see her, hear her, and accept her just as she is. (What to hear what that might sound like? Read A Conversation With My (younger) Self.

 

Having


I believe that nothing can be given to us, that isn't already ours to have.


I also believe that nothing can be taken from us, that we aren't ready to let go of.

Call me crazy if you want, because that does sound a bit out there (especially if you've been living with a belief in not enough or lack). It means that in this actual, very moment, we have everything we might need. Blank check or not.


You don't have to look outside and try to find your Good, your More than Enough or your Plenty, because it is already here, now.


The question is whether you are available to Having it. Are you available to having all that you are worthy of?


Notice what comes up for you, what is stirring for you. Notice and hold it gently and lovingly.

THAT, my dear, is where I will leave you today. Remember, if you would like to "hear" what it sounds like for me to talk to my younger self, read THIS blog...And then see what it might sounds like to talk to your younger self!


With so much love and compassion for you (and all your parts),

Rachel


P.S. I DID actually find a blank check the other day. Crazy, huh? Want to know what I did with it? Sign up to receive my blogs in your inbox and you'll find out soon enough! ;)

 

Rachel Sartori is an Embodiment and Wholeness Coach. She is kick-ass and heart-centered whether she is showing up as a workshop/retreat facilitator, a private coach, a writer or a speaker. Rachel invites you to exercise your soul, and participate in the healing of your own heart and the world around you. With Rachel, all is welcome, all the time.


Read: Exercise Your Soul: Ignite Healing and Wholeness in your Life and Live from the Inside Out


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