HOLY MOLY. What a year.
Take a moment and just rewind back to January 1, 2020...
What do you remember from that day? How do you remember feeling about the year ahead of you? Did you identify a "word" for the year? Or make any resolutions or intentions?
The year panned out slightly differently than we imagined all those months ago, didn't it? It's a bit like we've all been on a wild rollercoaster ride. In fact, part of me thinks the G20 should issue t-shirts that say, "I survived the 2020 Global Pandemic"...and then I think of the hundreds of thousands of people who didn't survive, and my heart breaks. What started as 1 or 2 deaths in March is now a number that is startling and overwhelming. In North America alone, the tally is 450,284 lives lost. This rollercoaster ride hasn't ended yet. The loop-d-loops are not exhilarating; they are taxing and we are exhausted. We. The collective WE of humanity.
Surrender was the word laid on my heart, last January. I resisted it at first, read the story HERE, but I knew surrender was my way forward in 2020. On January 9th (when I posted that Blog), I knew surrender would take me even deeper into Love, into Grace, into the Mystery of God. I knew I was being invited to keep letting go; to keep trusting that the Universe has my back.
I even posed the question: What if I keep showing up with courage and a willingness to just BE?
I received the invitation to BE; to be slow if slow was called for and otherwise if that was called for. I received the invitation to let go and be breathed by God.
It blows my mind how surrender worked me over and over again this year. You can't fake surrender. You just can't. Every month has brought me to a new layer of surrender to life, to what is, to Grace. Even while there has been an invitation to surrender to the collective grief we are experiencing, I have been invited to also surrender to the essential goodness and connectedness of humanity.
A Deep and Moving lesson
I've held it proactively during meditation and prayer. I've breathed into it when my anxiety was high and fear was rattling the windows of my heart. I've rested in it as plans were changed, and changed again. I held it gingerly, as I flew home early from my much-anticipated visit to Jamaica, due to the pandemic. I looked skeptically at it when my kids were out of school until May. I pressed against it when police brutality and social unrest from deep racism came to a head this summer. I questioned it, rolled my eyes at it...and then breathed into it again. And then I wanted to punch it in the face when doing-school-at-home presented me with invitation to pause my Exercise Your Soul work, in order to support my daughters. I grieved the undesired changes, modifications, adjustments, intrusions, explosions and chaos.
At so many points, things seemed so dark and the way forward so unclear.
Don't resist what is. There is no need to fight against it, no need to struggle. Grieve, my heart, but do not break. Keep breathing. Feel the chair, the ground, the earth beneath you. Just take the step that is before you. Whatever it is. One at a time. One at a time.
While this year did not pan out the way I anticipated, I can honestly and confidently say that where I am, in this moment, is undoubtably exactly where I need to be. And the only way to this place, was through surrender. The only way to here, was to keep showing up with courage and a willingness to just BE.
There are a couple weeks left in 2020. The year isn't over just yet. So many people are ready to kick 2020 to the curb and forget it ever happened. Do you feel that urge? There is a desire to do something different; have a fresh start. The turning of the year offers us a sweet place to consciously do that.
While I am eager to jump into 2021, and all the possibilities that wait for me there, I am still invited to surrender to this moment, to this day, to what is before me now. I am still invited to breathe and be. Without struggle. Without fighting back. No need to force or convince or strategize. Simply showing up with courage and a willingness to BE, is enough. It just really is.
With love and light for your journey,
Rachel Sartori is an Embodiment and Wholeness Coach. She is kick-ass and heart-centered whether she is showing up as a workshop/retreat facilitator, a private coach, a writer or a speaker. Rachel invites you to exercise your soul, and participate in the healing of your own heart and the world around you. With Rachel, all is welcome, all the time.
Read: Exercise Your Soul: Ignite Healing and Wholeness in your Life and Live from the Inside Out