It inevitably happens that I teach what I am learning more deeply and learn more deeply what I teach. It is the nature of the work. This month I've been all about the powerful tool of Discernment: the capacity to be mindfully aware of what is happening, and make a choice that is in alignment with that which is most life-giving. {Check out my ig posts about it HERE!}
This is a real-life story of how it played out, just last night...
On Stage
I have a dream of being on stage. For real. As a speaker, teacher, leader, motivator. I love speaking to audiences, I love teaching. It is who I am.
Right now, my stage is social media, one-on-one sessions and small workshops. To shift it to being a larger venue is something that is stretching my heart and mind.
I thought I would practice by going to a Moth StorySLAM, here in Phoenix. I got on their website last week and saw that the next one was January 20th! "Hot Dog," I thought, "I'm in!"
A Larval Thought
January 20th was a Thursday. It would be in the evening. My daughter is with me on Thursdays. She is a fierce 13 going on 30 and can hang with older {cool} people. But...it isn't always her #1 choice. Especially on a school night.
A larva of a thought started to develop: I don't think Eliana will want to go with me to this event.
It grew just a little bit: She probably won't want to stay home by herself, either.
And then a little more: The place where the event is taking place is a 21+ kind of place, could she even go in? I could probably call...
And then it stopped.
Cocoon
I spent the next week preparing my 5-minute story for the StorySLAM. I knew I might not even get selected to tell my story (only 10 people are), but I wanted to be prepared!
The theme was on GOALS. I had a great time writing out and practicing my story. Even if I didn't win, I was ready to take the stage and share it with the audience.
Thursday arrived. Eliana was open to going with me, so we jumped in the car and started downtown to the venue.
The Thought Emerges
As we were blocks away, that larva thought was SUDDENLY out of the cocoon stage and emerged as a thought in my conscious awareness: Eliana doesn't want to go, and even though I never called, she likely can't go in, either."
We passed the venue once - no parking. My heart started pounding.
"If we don't find parking," I offered, "I guess that means we just go and get dinner."
"YES!" Eliana exclaimed. {She really did NOT want to go.}
We looped back again. And all my eyes could see were the ADULTS swarming the joint. I wasn't even worried about COVID, so much as taking my 13-year in there. Would they even let her in? I had never tried to take her in a 21+ sort of place before (The Crescent Ballroom)! I don't know these things! I parked the car not in a legal way and jumped out to have a quick little chat with one of the bouncers at the entrance.
I told him what I was there for and that I had my kid - could she come. YES was his reply, but she would HAVE to be supervised AT ALL TIMES. Meaning, if I magically got called to the stage (which was why I was there), she would HAVE TO go up there with me. She ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT DO THAT.
It was clear that it was time for me to do some DISCERNMENT. (Yes, I brought it back around. I know you were a little unsure where this was going.)
Weighing the Options
I really wanted to go to the event. I really wanted the chance to share my story to a live audience! I was ready, prepared AND the reality was that I AM A MOM. I could make my daughter go in with me. I could make her come on stage with me, should my name be called. I could.
But it just didn't feel right to do that. I had space and awareness to know it wasn't life-giving to keep moving forward with that place. I had space and awareness to know that I would have another opportunity to get on stage, another time. I had space and awareness to know that next time I can plan with Eliana in advance a better thing for her to do, while I do my thing.
Deep Breath.
Choosing That Which is Life-Giving
I chose to let the event go.
Eliana and I instead went to a super hip food truck park called The Pemberton. We ate delicious street tacos and were just together. It was exactly where I needed to be.
Discernment leads us forward into that which is most life-giving and right in our lives. It takes time and practice to cultivate space and awareness to notice what is happening and that there may be a different choice for us to make.
When you allow your own wisdom to rise up, it will not lead you astray.
🎉To powerful discernment in 2022! 🎉
Rachel Sartori is an Embodiment and Wholeness Coach. She is kick-ass and heart-centered whether she is showing up as a workshop/retreat facilitator, a private coach, a writer or a speaker. Rachel invites you to exercise your soul, and participate in the healing of your own heart and the world around you. With Rachel, all is welcome, all the time.
Read: Exercise Your Soul: Ignite Healing and Wholeness in your Life and Live from the Inside Out
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