Why does this keep happening to me?
Didn't I already deal with this?
The inner journey is not a once and done sort of thing. There is no end point or final destination. WE KNOW THIS. And yet, when we are faced with an experience that we feel like we have already been through and resolved, we fight it. It might feel like resistance ("I am NOT dealing with that again"), denial ("This can't be what is happening - I already worked through my issues with..."), anger ("I've had it! I'm done!") or judgement ("What is wrong with me? Why can't I figure this out?").
Regardless of our reaction, facing a situation that is similar to something we experienced previously (and thought we had resolved!) is frustrating. We might even feel like we just want to throw in the towel and give up.
The inner dialogue might sound like, "F#%k self-help books, TED talks, and affirmations. Forget journalling, seeing my coach or getting vulnerable. If this personal growth mumbo-jumbo 'worked' I wouldn't be feeling this way! Why bother put myself out there just to be hurt anyway?"
What I know, my dear reader, is that turning towards yourself, leaning in to the tough stuff and doing "the work" is the way to living a wholehearted, joy-full life. Wholehearted - with all of your heart! Nothing is missing or lost, nothing lacking or unavailable. Living wholehearted is living a life of integrity, well-being, self-love, and respect for the human experience. It honors that each human is on this journey and expands our capacity to be compassionate, empathetic and realize a level of healing that our world deeply needs. It invites us to meet our own heart FIRST with compassion and empathy, so that we can show up for other hearts fully.
The inner journey happens to be more like a spiral than a straight line. Whether you call it karma or have ever repeated the saying, "What goes around, comes around," there is a movement to the human life that has the capacity to evolve in infinite ways.
Ralph Waldo Emerson writes:
"The life of [hu]man is a self-evolving circle, which, from a ring imperceptibly small, rushes on all sides outwards to new and larger circles, and that without end." (from his essay Circles)
It is reasonable that, along the way, things will look familiar and seem so similar to what you've experienced before. but the reality is that as similar and familiar as they seem, YOU are a continually expanded version of yourself. You have expanded experiences, understandings, curiosities, availability, desires, and possibility for what is next.
If you are facing something similar to what you have faced before, it likely means...
1. There is a life lesson for you to learn about yourself, so that you can show up that much more in your fullness - expanding your circle wider, spiraling further into the truth of YOU.
2. There is a wound or false belief that you have been functioning from, that is ready to be seen in a new way and released more completely, so that you can continue your expansion. I like to think of this as more and more cells waking up to our truth.
While your instinct might be to assume something is wrong with you or others or the world around you, the invitation is to see not with the eyes that faced the similar situation before, but with your expanded heart in the present moment.
We are invited to approach our own humanity with much gentleness and compassion, as if tending to a child who is hurt, or giving Baby Buddha a bath (I've always wanted to say that; thank you, Thich Nhat Hanh). We are invited to pick up those inspirational books again, re-watch the TED talk on forgiveness, make a new appointment with our coach, pull out our journal and pen, and affirm that we can do this. We can be vulnerable and expand the capacity of our hearts to love and be loved. We can face the stuff that is uncomfortable again, and again, but each time with more understanding, peace and compassion.
How are you being invited to continue your journey?
Send me an email, or comment below.
Sending you so much love and light for the journey. Love, Rachel
Rachel Sartori is an Embodiment and Wholeness Coach. She is kick-ass and heart-centered whether she is showing up as a workshop/retreat facilitator, a private coach, a writer or a speaker. Rachel invites you to exercise your soul, and participate in the healing of your own heart and the world around you. With Rachel, all is welcome, all the time.
Read: Exercise Your Soul: Ignite Healing and Wholeness in your Life and Live from the Inside Out